Sensuality and How this Chapter to The Women’s Inner Circle all began … A friend told me about this tiny promo he had seen about a ‘sexual stimulating cream combined with marijuana.’ Wow! What a combo. How could it possibly not be great? Right?  That was the consensus of a group of women I had mentioned this to. It got me to thinking about how my fav cream couldn’t be found anymore. Maybe I should try to recreate it combined with marijuana ~ (full disclosure, I’m an entrepreneur in my heart and soul and this is the way my mind works). I let this thinking marinate for a few weeks and then connected with my friend who is also one of my mentors. He and I met at an event a few years ago, and when you and I meet in person please remind me to tell you the story. Yes, when the student is ready, the teacher truly does appear. But … I digress.  He is much better at texting than calling on the phone so I cautiously asked him if he knew of a scientist who could help me formulate a new product. I cautiously and briefly explained what I was looking for to which he then replied ~ why wouldn’t you think I would be comfortable with this?

So much to Learn

There was a long dialogue that followed to which I learned a whole new side of my friend, and a whole lot of Sexual information that I had never heard about before. Turns out he’s a graduate of a class that teaches ‘How to Please Women.’  I never even knew there was a class out there that taught this. Plus, would never have thought he would attend one. We continued in this conversation vein ~ through text mind you ~ for quite a while. Some of the words he used almost had me falling out of my chair. All the words were healthy natural words, just not those I am used to using. Through the conversation, not only did I learn a lot about my friend but I also learned a lot of information that I needed to further research and learn.  At one point he even commented to me that for “someone as empowered and as enlightened as you Holli, it’s sad that you haven’t experienced this yet.” This really got me thinking that if I didn’t know about these things, perhaps a lot of other women didn’t either (more about this in a minute). At this point in our conversation he referred me to someone who could help me, or at least point me in the right direction to what I was looking for.

Digging in to the information

I did connect with her, we had a long conversation and she connected me to someone else for more information. Having learned quite a bit from both of them I realized I then had to do a lot of research and investigation on my own. Patience, persistence and consistence finally paid off. Over time, and it wasn’t easy, I was able to find a scientist who could help me with what I wanted to manufacture. The development stage is lengthy as is finding all of the other pieces to the puzzle—ie. packaging … but that’s not what I’d like to focus on with you here.

Let’s get back to the point that I didn’t know a lot of the information he was talking about which got me to thinking that a lot of other women wouldn’t either. As you know, I am all about helping women step into their best possible lives and this is certainly a huge part of fully living. The more women I spoke with the more I became sure this information needed to be spread far and wide. Was I the one to do this? Yup … because we teach best what we most need to learn. I gave myself permission to keep on digging in.

Light bulb moment

What became very very clear to me is our culture does not educate nor speak about this topic in a very helpful manner to women (and therefore to men but that’s for a much later discussion). As I say in the introductory section to Sexuality on The Women’s Inner Circle ~When you start taking control of your sexuality, it is the Ultimate Empowerment for Women. It is a wonderful part of life that sadly most women aren’t fully enjoying. A big part of the reason for this is our sex education gap. So Now I am setting out to help change this. It’s time to continue changing history. We’ve come such a long way baby and this is one of the final frontiers. I started researching Women and Sexuality and dug deep into the topic. The more I dug in, the more I needed to continue to keep digging. There are quite a few people, who’s names and info I will share with you in future articles, that give out wonderful and helpful information. But, there was one persistent thought that kept popping up over and over again in my mind. Yes—the points they talk about could be the answer to improving a woman’s sexual life, and therefore help her have a much more complete and fuller Life. But there persisted this thought—She had to feel comfortable enough to go learn and try. The key to it all is … drumroll please:


So here I feel is the key, we all need to improve our Sensual Self-Esteem. When I look up the definition of sexual versus sensual, my interpretation is that sexual is more the act and sensual is more the feeling. {Sexuality—the quality or state of being sexual: the condition of having sex. Sensuality—the condition of being pleasing or fulfilling to the senses. Feeling—the enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical pleasure. Relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite}. So when I say Sensual Self-Esteem, I am talking about feelings. The way to feel more sensual is to fill up each of your senses — sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell — with the beauty all around you. And to do it regularly and consistently. It starts with giving yourself permission to do so. It is also about giving yourself permission to take the time to enjoy all that fill up your senses and get more and more comfortable with your sensuality. Then, and only then, will you be more confident with sexuality as a subject.

Women avoid this topic 

This of course is a topic that falls into the category of things most people don’t talk about. We think about it but avoid these uncomfortable conversations as much as we can. The clear and obvious truth is that we need to start having these discussions to help Women everywhere feel more comfortable and not so alone. When I initially was speaking with my friend, I could barely get the words out of my mouth. But now with some education and a whole lot of sensual self-esteem boosting, I have become comfortable and empowered. Speaking with some friends on the topic, their response was unanimous—”this is the most fun conversation I’ve had in years.” (The  movie “The Book Club,”  besides being incredibly entertaining, showed that having uncomfortable conversations helped improve each of the women’s lives). Many women may, and probably will, say they are comfortable with sexuality as a subject. My bet is that when push comes to shove and the topic is dug into deeply, they aren’t truly comfortable. Why is this? I believe it’s due to our culture and the way a lot of us were brought up. In the 1970’s and 80’s history shows that as a society we did start to become getting more conscious of our bodies. Women’s lib, yoga, etc. show this. But due to our culture, sexuality is still stuck in the past. I think if you compared the comfortable feelings (with sexuality) of an Italian or French Woman, for example, to an American Woman it would be vastly different.

Things need to change

So here I am beginning the talk. And I will continue speaking about Sensual Awakening, and help as many women as possible enjoy their lives fully. As much as all the other areas (physical, emotional, social, etc.) contribute to your overall state of “Wellness,” so does your Sensuality/Sexuality.

I think one of the first things we need to deal with is the mixed messages we have received and internalized in the early parts of our lives and formative years. A perfect example of a message received is in a video where Mayim Bialik (American actress and neuroscientist best known for her roles in Blossom and Big Bang Theory) mentions how she was brought up by her father saying ‘don’t let boys touch you … don’t be promiscuous’ etc. She also shares that she was taught that all boys/men want is sex. (While although it is true that most men think about sex every few minutes, there are those who were brought up to be respectful of a woman. This whole area is for a separate conversation). So some of the messages women have received are that sex has to be repressed, as well as the body is dirty and don’t talk about it … This is what we talk about in our article 5 Barriers That Stop You from Enjoying Remarkable Intimacy Now.

So many reasons for avoiding the topic

Whether it was part of our upbringing, religious beliefs that we were taught, training, etc. It doesn’t matter how, where or why we learned and internalized these messages, the fact is that we have. And therein lies the conundrum. And the question that begs to be answered is—How do you go from being a proper young lady to an adventuress in the bedroom? Now, let me be clear on one very important point here. I am talking about being with someone you care for and that you trust. I am not talking about a casual sexual relationship. Everyone is entitled to live their lives with their own values and ethics, and there is no judgement here. Just know that I am referring to a healthy mature relationship. In order to become an adventuress in the bedroom—how do we learn about sex?

So, how does a woman learn about sex?

I have been pondering this question quite a bit and tried to come up with an analogy. The first idea/question I thought of was How did you learn to cook? For most of us our mothers, grandmothers or perhaps an aunt or a cousin showed us and taught us. Perhaps you tried a recipe from them, or one you found in a cookbook, or have gotten on a television show. The fact is learning to cook, if you desired to, was easily available. It was also encouraged and very acceptable.

Clearly this is not the same with sexual information. Most mothers don’t sit their daughters down and teach them how to have an orgasm. In fact, a lot of women in our generation don’t even talk about the O word. My deduction from speaking to many women is that not every woman has even experienced one. If a woman hasn’t experienced an orgasm, she really doesn’t know where to go to learn how to have one. It’s complicated—we’re not born with a handbook on how to use our bodies. And for all the single ladies—take heart—we all need to learn about our own bodies and what gives us pleasure before we can ever really share it with a lover.

More questions

And another aside here is—why hasn’t one of her lovers been caring enough to help her learn? (The fact that men need to care enough and take the time to learn how to truly love a woman is again a topic for a later conversation). There are many, many positive health benefits to having an orgasm and I go into them fully in another article. Whether alone or with a partner, there does not seem to be a down side to having an orgasm. And, we can’t say that about too many things in life. It’s not that there isn’t information out there. There is a glut of sexual information available for the learning but a lot of it is, shall we say, ‘porn’ oriented. A lot of other information that surrounds us isn’t what happens in reality. For example, we all want what we see in the movies. It leaves women to wonder —is this what really takes place in other people’s bedrooms? The thought that then follows for some is I guess I’m different or there must be something wrong with me.

The truth

The truth is that unsatisfactory or just acceptable sex is more the norm for most people. To enjoy really good sex, requires both people to gain the knowledge needed, communicate with each other, mutually accept what they are willing to try, and then practice to make better. Again, the same goes for a single woman—gain the knowledge and practice! For more information and to see some of the studies, you will enjoy this information. 

It’s time to Give Yourself Permission to open yourself up to the world of sensuality and sexuality. Click here to enjoy this product we’ve created just for you.  What are you waiting for? Why deny yourself anything that gives you pleasure?